It takes a village

So, as our kids are getting bigger (they are now 8, 10 and 13), their extra-curricular activities are becoming more time-consuming.  Both of the boys are involved in scouting.  Our oldest is a Boy Scout and our middle child is getting ready to go from a Webelo to a Boy Scout next year.  They have lots of camping trips and hiking adventures- which is a great way for them to spend special time with their dad.  The boys are also both members of a competitive basketball league that will allow them to increase their skill level and play in 7-9 regional or national tournaments.  As they are 3 years apart, they are on different teams within the same league, so that means different games and tournaments for each boy.  Our daughter is involved in ballet and is part of her studio's production of the Nutcracker this Christmas.  She also just began English horseback riding lessons and is learning the basics of dressage.  As you can imagine, all of these activities, plus school work, can be a lot for the kids...and for us.

My husband and I both have full-time careers.  The kids' mother also works full time.  I'm not sure how "normal" families with two parents swing it.  We have trouble juggling all of our commitments in our "new normal" family with three parents (my husband, me and the kids' mother).  Our afternoons and weekends look a lot like a Chinese fire drill...with all of us going in different directions.  Sometimes, we just can't do it all...and that's ok.

My husband's parents moved from their long-time home in a near-by town to our community last year.  They are wonderful about helping us shuttle the kids around to their activities, especially if one of us gets stuck at work.  They also babysit for us on occasion if the kids have an early release from school.   They have been a true blessing for us and the kiddos.  We also enjoy just having them closer.  It's nice to be able to have dinner with them, or spend a Sunday afternoon at their house.  We would not be able to have this time with them if they hadn't moved.

My in-laws also had another reason to move closer.  My father-in-law has Parkinson's Disease.  He has been living with this condition for a long time... and has shown us all the meaning of courage and determination.  As his disease has progressed, his ability to do the things he loves (such as going to football games and playing golf) has slowly diminished.  He is also starting to become easily confused with things that involve short-term memory.  This has been a hard thing to watch...for us all.  My husband misses the experienced, insightful father that used to have good advice for every situation... a man that could fill a conversation with wit, humor and intelligence.  My mother-in-law misses the husband that was her life partner, golf partner and dinner companion.  Although he is still there, he is not the same person...and she grieves that loss a little more every day.  Every once in a while, my lovely father-in-law will show us a flash of his former self...through a little joke or a mischievous smile.  These flashes are becoming less frequent with time, so they are even more precious when they occur.  My husband and I help my mother-in-law as much as we can, so that she can have a break from the stress of being a caregiver.

Even though my husband, I and the kids are a family of 5...we are really more than that.   The boundaries of our family unit also include my parents, my brother, my in-laws... and even the kids' mother.   We all work together to take care of each other. We could not do it alone. We all have our burdens and blessings...and we lean on each other for support, love and an occasional laugh.  Our family isn't perfect of course, but what family is? Families are made up of flawed individuals...like me. The old saying is true...it does take a village.  Our little imperfect village has a lot on its plate, but luckily we have each other to help lighten the load.

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